My 7 Step Hard-Decision Making Process

So, you have to make a hard decision that may cause the course of your life to spin wildly towards new unforeseen heights and/or valleys. Neat! Now, the only thing to do is to step out and actually make that personal life decision... only problem is... decisions are hard, and some valleys really suck. Therefore, one must gauge one's steps carefully before proceeding. I heartily recommend the following plan of attack:

STEP 1:

Read James Joyce's classic "Ulysses"

First, you need motivation. You need epicness! AND, you need the mind of a genius. You know you yourself are not yet genius calibre, so your best bet is to read the outpouring genius of a bonafide genius-fella. If you're like me, you met a statue of Mr. Joyce not only in Trieste, Italy, but one in Pula, Croatia as well. You figure that if Joyce, an Irishman, is lauded enough to get a a my-sized-barbie version of himself bronzed in two non-Ireland, non-english speaking countries, he must be worth his mug of Guinness.

So you read "Ulysses"... well, you start to read it, and then skim through most of the chapters while heavily relying on the cliffnotes summaries of each chapter to sip the wisdom out of the literature-ic slogfest. 

You awake ravaged by words that seem to carry infinite meanings beyond your comprehension, pulverized by a seizing sense of self-loathing for being too thick witted to fathom genius when it's sitting in your miserable lap. You sob for the overcomplicatedness of life and yearn for either Joyceian genius or Homerian ignorance (Simpson, not the Greek) to relinquish you from the snares of mediocrity. You pray for some simpler way to reach nirvanic decision making bliss. 

STEP 2:

Delve into the word of comic books

You grow strong in your ignorance. You crucify the smarter demons of Joyce's yore, and cast your nets on narrative tales for the modern working man. That's right, you've now convinced yourself that genius is actually no help at all in evaluating life. "Geniuses, shmeniuses," you say. The working man's cure in the modern age is comic books. Simple morality tales, that's the ticket!

Quickly you descend into the endless void of narrative art. You realize that there's a whole lot to this realm, and it ain't all that simple after all. Nevertheless, you read. And look. And read. And look. 

Your conclusions are two-pronged:

a) Early comic books (like 1939 Superman) are boring. 

There's just no way around it. It's a bore. Bore. Bore. Bore. War. 

b) The best comics are the newer, skeezier "graphic novels" likes of which include only anti-heroes and complex, freudian villains. This is fascinating but ultimately unrewarding as you feel more gray inside your gray heart with every passing gray panel. Gray.

STEP 3:

You find a home in Astro City

You know what you're looking for now; a not boring (waring) comic that scintillates and provokes you towards moral decision-making expertise. You want to know how Batman chooses to prioritize his daily affairs, not how he manages to torture a mobster without killing him. And then, glory be to God, you find your El Dorado in the form of Astro City.

The first issue of Astro City says it all. The daily grind of a nearly invincible hero leaves him horribly tired. Tiredness. Astro City deals with the minutiae of life in a fun superhero system. Hooray! Beers all around!

In fact, Astro City is sooo good that you tell yourself you will only read it in real life; none of this online nonsense. You need to feel the pages beneath your dirt stained fingertips! But, that means you have to buy volumes of this stuff... and you live in a land that is not America. This makes things difficult. 

Your checkbook doesn't let you get past the first volume. 

STEP 4:

Go with the Peace flow

1st Corinthians 14:33 says, "God is not a God of disorder, but of peace..." Therefore, clearly, the answer is simple: make the decision that God grants you peace about. 

It's so easy...

STEP 5:

Peace in every situation

But wait, Paul says in Philippians 4:12, "... I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." 

We who have the Holy Spirit with us should be at peace in every situation... and therefore every and any decision. SooooOOOooooOOoo, it shouldn't matter what decision you make, you should be at peace. 

And come to think of it, you're not sure you have peace about either decision! Aaaghhh! What does that mean!??!! Oh, wretch that you are!

STEP 6:

Just make a decision, stupid

Okay, okay, now let's just settle down now. This isn't a moral decision, just a life changing thingamabobber. Nothing serious. So just make a decision. Flip a coin. Pull straws. Whatever. It's just a thing. You gotta make decisions in life and strive forward in faith in that decision. Right. Right? That's what you're supposed to do. Just do all the things! 

Come on! Make a decision! Makeadecision, makeadecision, makeadecision, makeadecisionmakeadecisionmakeadicision, make a cake!

Yes, good decision! Make a cake! Go for the gold! Eat away your anxiety! 

Continue to step seven after you've consumed all possible cakes.

STEP 7: 

Blog about it, hoping that by the time you reach step 7, you'll have magically made a decision. 

Umm... rinse and repeat?

Chapter Titles for "My Mentaculus: Thoughts on Everything"

Today, I thought to myself, "If I were in writing a postgrad history research paper, what topic would I choose for my thesis?" This bizarrely fun question led to the inevitable answer, "Everything." The simple fact is; details are boring. I like to keep my mind thinking about big picture stuffs. 

Enter the Mentaculus. 

I followed my answer with another question: how would I write about everything? What follows is the outline of such a work.

MY MENTACULUS: THOUGHTS ON EVERYTHING
in 10 brief volumes

Mentaculus Rules:

1. There are to be 10 volumes.
2. Each volume is 50 pages in length.
3. Each volume includes 10 chapters
4. Each chapter is 5 pages
5. Every chapter must specifically reference 5 aspects referenced in 5 other chapters in other volumes.

Preface to the work: would include a one-page brief explanation as to why I'm doing this, and why I've chosen to convey the information in which I want to convey via succinct chapters that delve in-and-out of my own personal life experience.

Notes on the Mentaculus: the Mentaculus is a 'work' being pursued and written (drawn) by a character in the film "A Serious Man". Throughout the film we are given the promise of something extraordinary out of the completion of said work. When it is revealed to be just the scribblings of a madman, we are left greatly dejected.

Volume One: Animals

Chapter 1: Introduction -- in which I explain why I've chosen to start with animals rather than something more self-centric. The answer being, namely, that as a child we put as much (if not more) stock into other as we do self (at least at a directly conscious level)
Chapter 2: Tasmanian Tiger -- in which the extinct tasmanian tiger is used as a tangible illustration of the separateness of the animal kingdom from us. Additionally, how they spark emotion in us. Use: "The Hunter"
Chapter 3: Cats -- in which I tell of my adventures with their alien personalities
Chapter 4: Hippos -- in which hippos are seen as the epitome of paradox: blubberous, cute, and deadly
Chapter 5: Sharks -- in which we realize the existence of sharks is mindblowing
Chapter 6: Dinosaurs -- in which we wonder on what once was, and what we've lost Additionally it must be noted that the existence of dinosaurs was unknown until the 18th century
Chapter 7: Ants -- in which ants are depicted as extraordinary creatures... and communists
Chapter 8: Donkeys -- in which I reflect on their stubbornness and seeming humility
Chapter 9: Apes -- in which we try to reconcile ourselves with the humanness of apes
Chapter 10: Dogs -- in which we reflect on man's best friend and their mortality

Volume Two: Childhood in Our Own Lifetime

Chapter 1: Intro on self -- in which I recall when I first connected my name with my child self.
Chapter 2: Lying -- in which I recall lying got me gain and virtue got me in trouble
Chapter 3: Cheating -- in which I recall buying trophies for myself 
Chapter 4: Hurting -- in which I retell my story of the man and his donkey
Chapter 5: Church -- in which I recount the oddity of going to church as a child
Chapter 6: School 1.0 -- in which I recall the happiness of school-life
Chapter 7: School 2.0 -- in which I recall the terror of school-life
Chapter 8: Thought-life -- in which I recall the things I thought about at an early age
Chapter 9: Christmas Trees -- in which I recall the times we picked out Christmas trees
Chapter 10: Perfect Contentment -- in which I reflect back on perfect moments

Volume Three: Systems

Chapter 1: Intro -- in which I review my childhood in order to view it as a series of systems of managementChapter 2: Family -- in which I note the most primal hierarchy, the family unitChapter 3: Collections -- in which I depict our historical insistence on collecting things and ideasChapter 4: Language -- in which we evaluate the need and limitations of spoken languageChapter 5: Progress -- in which we observe the miracle that the mere ordering of information leads to accrued knowledge and therefore progressChapter 6: Human Body -- in which we observe how successfully some systems workChapter 7: Testaments -- in which we look at the systems in place first in the Old Testament, then the New, and then extra Testaments of other religions.Chapter 8: G.U.T. -- in which we discuss the "Grand Ultimate Theory" and the need for controlChapter 9: Gestalt -- in which we see how the whole is more than the sum of its partsChapter 10: Too Muchness -- in which we conclude that systems are necessary because there is too much stuff to hold individually

Volume Four: Worldviews

Chapter 1: Intro -- in which we inspect how one's worldview affects everything one doesChapter 2: Plato and the Ideal -- in which we think about eternal, big things
Chapter 3: Cynicism -- in which we reckon with our unknowingness and what that does to us
Chapter 4: Lowlier Studies -- in which we see how philosophy turned to baser studies, namely, psychologyChapter 5: Life Questions -- in which we place abstract theory into our life decisional contextChapter 6: Refusal of the Call -- in which we refuse to knowingly accept any worldviewChapter 7: Acceptance -- in which we accept the fundamental place of philosophy in our personal lifeChapter 8: Nihilism -- in which again we reckon with our unknowingness and inability to knowChapter 9: Existentialism -- in which we re-invent our realityChapter 10: Building -- in which we build a personal worldview from the variety of choices

Volume Five: Theology

Chapter 1: Intro -- in which we examine the need for theologyChapter 2: Sunday School -- in which I recollect the strangeness of Sunday SchoolChapter 3: Theism and Atheism -- in which we ask, "Why is there nothing instead of something?"Chapter 4: Polytheism and Character -- in which we examine world religionsChapter 5: History of the World -- in which we look at history from a godlike perspectiveChapter 6: Jesus -- in which we examine the life of Jesus ChristChapter 7: Jews -- in which we examine the history of the Jewish peopleChapter 8: Romans -- in which we look at the book of Romans and the expansion of Jesus-ism from a cultural belief system to a worldwide phenomenonChapter 9: Stephan -- in which we reflect on Stephen's last monologue and martyrsChapter 10: Job -- in which we survey the book of Job and come to certain conclusions concerning the character of God

Volume Six: Fear

Chapter 1: Intro -- in which we acknowledge the power of fearChapter 2: Calvin and Pondscum -- in which I reflect on how miserable John Calvin makes me feelChapter 3: Pain -- in which we isolate pain as something that causes legitimate fearChapter 4: Workouts -- in which we reflect on lesser forms of painChapter 5: Of the Unknown -- in which we reflect on unknown forms of painChapter 6: 9-11-01 -- in which we use the historical event to examine responsesChapter 7: The Experience of Terror -- in which we acknowledge the existence of terrorChapter 8: Guilt -- in which we feel guilt and great fear of further guiltChapter 9: Psychosis -- in which we delve into the psychological ramifications of fearChapter 10: Breakdown and Repetition -- in which we acknowledge the inevitability of repeating our past failings

Volume Seven: History

Chapter 1: Intro -- in which we delight in the existence of a examinable historyChapter 2: Repetition -- in which we examine cycles and tendencies of mankindChapter 3: Novelty -- in which we acknowledge novelties in history, including modern day fadsChapter 4: Revelation -- in which we acknowledge the entrance of gamechangers into historyChapter 5: Knowledge -- in which we examine how knowledge has been leveraged by cunning historical figuresChapter 6: Power -- in which we examine what causes power and how it is wieldedChapter 7: Storyline -- in which I remind the reader that storyline is the prevailing lens by which we must examine the pastChapter 8: Ancient -- in which we evaluate ancient history so as to depict its storylineChapter 9: Middle -- in which we evaluate the middle ages so as to depict its storyline
Chapter 10: Recent -- in which we evaluate recent history so as to depict its storyline

Volume Eight: Media

Chapter 1: Intro -- in which I claim art is a way of pushing past the limitations of languageChapter 2: Ugly Woman Sculpture -- in which we recognize the oldest known sculptureChapter 3: Homer -- in which we evaluate mythChapter 4: Bible -- in which we examine the poetic nature of the Bible
Chapter 5: In Praise of Folly -- in which we examine the book by Erasmus
Chapter 6: Bolero -- in which we laugh at the repetitiveness of Ravel's workChapter 7: Mona Lisa -- in which we are confused by the popularity of DaVinci's workChapter 8: Citizen Kane -- in which we examine the wholeness of Orwell's workChapter 9: Amadeus -- in which we wrestle with God and unknowingness yet againChapter 10: The Lives of Others/Narnia -- in which greater truths are found in myth stories

Volume Nine: Unanswered Questions

Chapter 1: Intro -- in which we take our frustrations and write it all into a bookChapter 2: Storyline -- in which we acknowledge that we don't know why there is a story at allChapter 3: Gamechangers -- in which we ponder what the next gamechanger will beChapter 4: Aliens -- in which we dwell on the existence of smart extra-terrestrialsChapter 5: Light -- in which we vent that we don't even know what light is (or isn't)Chapter 6: Smallest and Coldest Things -- in which we discuss the absurdity of limitations in natureChapter 7: End of Space -- in which we try to imagine nothingnessChapter 8: Time Travel -- in which we frolic through thoughts of time travelChapter 9: After-Life -- in which we try to envision continuation after our physical deathChapter 10: The End -- in which we contemplate the end of story

Volume Ten: Death

Chapter 1: Intro -- in which we discuss conclusions and story ends Chapter 2: Death of Gracie -- in which I tell of my experience watching my dog dieChapter 3: Death of Wells -- in which we mourn the death of Wells (both the death of his ambition and his literal passing)Chapter 4: Death of a Salesman -- in which we contemplate the death of idealsChapter 5: Death of Rome -- in which we contemplate the death of ideasChapter 6: My Death -- in which I muse on my own deathChapter 7: Sequels -- in which we examine our need for sequelsChapter 8: Infinity -- in which we rack our brains trying to imagine a world without endChapter 9: Prestor John -- in which we find hope in novel places
Chapter 10: How does it end? -- in which we acknowledge we don't know how to end anything

 

 

 

 

Horrible Responsibility #10

Now the LORD God appointed a plant and made it come up over Jonah... Jonah 4:6

God,

Are there missed opportunities? Could I miss out on something?

If yes, then others could conceivably suffer because I missed your leading. If no, then doesn't that mean there are no opportunities? No possibilities?

I guess it's the same-old, same-old: determinism versus free will... but it's harder when it has a personal context. It hurts to contemplate.

And so I give it to you.

But when dawn came up the next day, God appointed a worm that attacked the plant, so that it withered. Jonah 4:7

Horrible Responsibility #9

This series exists to help me refine my reflections about daily life as I seek:

To worship God and relentlessly seek the expansion of his Kingdom on Earth.

God,

Manasseh, the worst of the worst of kings, a man who burned his sons as a sacrifice to unknown entities, this rogue Judahite humbles himself, pleads mercy unto your name... and you were moved.

2 Chronicles 33:3: He prayed to him, and God was moved by his entreaty and heard his plea and brought him again to Jerusalem into his kingdom. Then Manasseh knew that the LORD was God. 

I don't question why you had mercy. I need that same mercy, so I wouldn't dare jeopardize it by asking why. Nevertheless, Father, I ask this in wonder and in honest contemplation. How could you be moved by a man's prayers? Lord, you know all things. You are the Beginning and the End, how can anything move you? Does the prayer of a desperate sinner come as a surprise to you? Surely not. Then how can it be that you were moved? Who are you that you count such a man's prayers as something that draws you to change? How can that be? How can the finite influence the infinite?

28 Lingering Fragrances of 2012

 But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place. 2 Corinthains 2:14

-------------

Since we are far far past the date of this sort of entry being respectable, I'll limit myself to one sentence an item. For posterity's sad sad sake. Here are the experiences from the arts I'll keep with me hopefully in perpetuity (or at least, remember them when I look back upon this blog entry. 

-------------

28) Cloud Atlas novel and film

novel by David Mitchell

film directed by the Wachowskis and Tom Tykwer 

At least they tried dammit... at least they did that.

27) Hanna film

directed by Joe Wright

There was a magical flare to the film that I can't quite put my descriptor-finger on.

26) Breakfast of Champions novel

by Kurt Vonnegut

The interaction of the author with his fictional characters brought out the champion in me!

25) American Psycho novel

by Brett Easton Ellis 

The book starts out with the quote from The Divine Comedy, "Abandon all hope ye who enter here." I should have listened.

24) Nantes song

by Beirut

The song's cascading chorus played on repeat is my personal Bolero.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hq2s0AhdFE4



23) Prometheus film
directed by Ridley Scott

This was Lovecraftian philosophy played out as an interstellar, bloody opera. I loved it. 



22) The Hunter film
directed by Daniel Nettheim

The whole film was worth the one, existentially mutilating shot in the 3rd act. 



21) Christmas Unicorn song
by Sufjan Stevens
All the madness of Christmas; the tradition, commercialism, Christ-centeredness, familialness, etc wrapped into one bombastic Sufjan song. Joy to the World!!!
Free Download here!!>> http://music.sufjan.com/track/christmas-unicorn



20) Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell novel
by Susanna Clarke

They're magicians, but they're cultured too!



19) Double Rainbow Song song

A man needs to be awed once and awhile. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1ZND4NhfbM



18) Logical Insanity on Hardcore History podcast
by Dan Carlin
"History is the autobiography of a madman."
Free download here>> http://www.dancarlin.com/disp.php/hharchive/Show-42---(BLITZ)-Logical-Insanity/Second%20World%20War-World%20War%20Two-World%20War%20One



17) Blood Meridian novel
by Cormac McCarthy

90% of the book left me confused, but then the focus pulls in on our mysterious "Judge" who relishes his role as war incarnate. 



16) Moneyball film
directed by Bennett Miller

An underdog story, giving even the weariest of small market baseball fans, such as my own masochistic Padres love, hope. 



15) Scrubs tv show
created by Bill Lawrence

I was reticent to dip into the lengthy series with Danae, but when I did, I discovered a wealth of highly communicative, intriguing characters lodged in Sacred Heart hospital.



14) The Mind of Bobby Fischer person

Seize the game. 
Read my rantings about the crazy genius here: http://www.thesedrybones.com/2012/05/desperately-searched-bobby-fischer.html



13) The Silmarillion novel
by J.R.R. Tolkien

I never had any interest in mythology until Mr. Tolkien awakened a hope within me >> that all myth comes from a common, truthful ancestry. 



12) The Works of Andrew Kevin Walker person

We all have our own unique gifts: http://www.thesedrybones.com/2012/03/desperately-searched-andrew-kevin.html

11) Les Miserables film
directed by Tom Hooper

My musical obsession as a child made its way onto the screen only to moderately disappoint me. It did, nevertheless, remind me and silence me into recalling how desperately we all hunger for redemption.



10) Community tv show
created by Dan Harmon

I became a fanboy of the show in 2012, releasing a childlike wonder wherein I come to believe that anything is possible when sitting at seven-seated table. 



9) The Broom of the System novel
by David Foster Wallace

One way to revenge your fate is to eat the world entire. Yes, eat.



8) Take Shelter film
directed by Jeff Nichols

Now that I'm married the prospect of mental illness as a vehicle towards transcendence appears more haunting than thrilling.



7) A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius novel/autobiography
by Dave Eggers

Despite the title, I didn't see the ending monologue coming. Color me bushwhacked.



6) Wrath of the Khans on Hardcore History podcast
by Dan Carlin
The story of the little Steppe people that could... conquer the world. 
Download the series for free here>> http://dancarlin.com/disp.php/hharchive



5) Leonard Cohen R.I.P. song
by Richard McGraw
So poignant. So soft. So dramatic. Richard plays the existential, religious angst like no one else. 
Free download of the song!! >> http://richardmcgraw.bandcamp.com/track/leonard-cohen-r-i-p-the-song



4) Chronicles of Narnia novel series
by C.S. Lewis

Aslan is still perhaps the fullest embodiment of God ever realized.



3) The Grey film
directed by Joe Carnahan

The horror in place here is unescapable, because it's life's horrific reality as the clock ticks. 



2) Watership Down novel
by Richard Adams

I am a full grown man that had to work desperately hard to suppress emotion when those damnable rabbits fade into death at the end of their time. 



1) The Crusades reality, yo!
by life, yo!

2012 was a historic year in my life. It represented a tremendous establishment of the greatest ebenezer I could ever hope to attain of proof of God's love (aside from salvation itself) in the form of my bride. It also was the year that history became something of an obsession for me. That rabbit hole goes so deep. There are great mysteries of awe trapped in time gone by... and the crusades was a great initiation into that hole. 

Horrible Responsibility #8

This series exists to help me refine my reflections about daily life as I seek:

To worship God and relentlessly seek the expansion of his Kingdom on Earth.

God,

I can be Boxer from animal farm. I can be that horse that works and works and works and when confronted with a new problem simply regards it by saying, "I will work harder." I can be that work horse.

Even more than that, I want to be that work horse. Work me barren, if it is your will. But work me true.

I remember Chesterton's biography of St. Francis. He said by 50, Francis' body just fell apart. He used every bit of it. I can be like that, Father...

But I so often get lost in the fog, in the shuffle. I can't get my bearings straight. It takes so much energy to find my compass. I lose my way. I forget what needs to be done.

I don't know how to be Boxer.

2 Timothy 2:5-6: An athlete is not crowned unless he competes according to the rules. It is the hard-working farmer who ought to have the first share of the crops.

Horrible Responsibility #7

This series exists to help me refine my reflections about daily life as I seek:

To worship God and relentlessly seek the expansion of his Kingdom on Earth.

God,

I want...

to write about you.
to write about truth.
to discover truth as I write.
to hold onto truth as I write.
to write.
to write truly.
to write wisely.
to write without lying.
to write clearly.
to write something novel.
to write something wholly different.
to write something fun.
to write.
to feel what I'm writing down in words.
to be a good writer.
to be heard by you as I write.
to be awed by where my thoughts as I write lead me.
to have a beginning, middle and end as I write.
to know the story I should write.
to surprise myself as I write.
to know what words you prefer.
to write.
to write about mystery.
to write about a mystery.
to write about a mystery and make it known.
to write about a mystery, make it known, and make it complete.
to write about a mystery of yours, make it known, make it complete, and tell it truly.
to see as I write.
to see truth as I write.

You like words written down, I know that. Why else would you keep a book of life?

Yes, I ask you also, true companion, help these women, who have labored side by side with me in the gospel together with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life.   -Philippians 4:3

The one who conquers will be clothed thus in white garments, and I will never blot his name out of the book of life. I will confess his name before my Father and before his angels. He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. -Revelation 3:5-6

And I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne, and books were opened. Then another book was opened, which is the book of life. And the dead were judged by what was written in the books, according to what they had done. -Revelation 20:12

Horrible Responsibility #6

This series exists to help me refine my reflections about daily life as I seek:

To worship God and relentlessly seek the expansion of his Kingdom on Earth.

God,

You made the Son one of us. But he is also not. He is fully different. He is fully you. I am, we are, merely made in your image.

This distinction is most apparent because I cannot create. The Son created all things... and he will do so again. He will make all things new. As for me, I can only collect. I collect thoughts, words, actions, ideas, memories, loves, objects, pieces of earth, sights, sounds, hopes... none of these start from me. They merely stay.

You create. I don't. I feel that frustration as I sit in front of my computer looking out onto a sweeping horizon of your created world. The famous men of this world, the ones we remember most, they are the conquerors, they are the men of blood spilt. Is this because they cannot create anything for themselves? The closest we can do to creation is destruction. Is that true?

We have no concept of creation. None. We can't fathom it. We use phrases like "the big bang" to describe something not even close to graspable.

I admit, it sounds nice to create. This love of collecting thoughts you've placed in me, is it the reflected, weaker version of creating? Will I yet see you create something holy new? And if I do see it, will you let me fathom it?

And he who was seated on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new." Also he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." And he said to me, "It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment. The one who conquers will have this heritage, and I will be his God and he will be my son. But as for the cowardly... their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death." -Revelation 21:5-8

I am thirsty. How do I conquer?

Horrible Responsibility #5

This series exists to help me refine my reflections about daily life as I seek:

To worship God and relentlessly seek the expansion of his Kingdom on Earth.

God,

It was told to me that colors are trickier than we think. Is it true that all the earliest manuscripts from every culture has an evolution of annotating the colors they see? Is it true that blue is the latest color to be named in history? How can that be?

If that's true, than colors are all about perspective. And that would also lead me to believe that colors are about ideas. Blue is an idea that can't be seen until it's grasped?

What does this mean?

I think you give a lot of weight to ideas. You've structured this place to be one in which ideas lead us in various game-changing directions. You've brought it forth so far as to place it within the work of your Son as well.

We must believe in Jesus' work on the cross. This is an idea. It's a game-changing idea.

Why are ideas important to you?

Why must I believe in blue?

And his clothes became radiant, intensely white, as no one on earth could bleach them. -Mark 9:3

Horrible Responsibility #4

This series exists to help me refine my reflections about daily life as I seek:

To worship God and relentlessly seek the expansion of his Kingdom on Earth.

God,

Brennan Manning has died. He seemed like a warm soul made rich by your love. But he also seemed like a wrestler. He wanted more and more of you.

How do I wrestle with you? Will you reproach me if I do? Or will you take that as affection?

What sort of questions would you like me to ask you? What questions are you open to answering now?

How do I wrestle with you and still be a peaceful man? Can I wrestle with your Spirit while He's inside of me?

I feel like Job. There's so many questions to ask, not all of them nice, but I fear that I am too lowly for you to answer me. You told Job to brace himself as you knocked him over with an un-answer. I don't know if I could take that sort of answer from you. Yet, I want to dig into you. I want to know more. I want to feel more. Because if I don't, then what am I doing here? If I don't wrap myself up in you, then I am already dying without a purpose.

Only you give me purpose and life. I feel like there's nothing I can do to get closer to you. You have all the cards. You brought me to grace, you dipped my hand in that offering, and you give me as much of you as you want. But perhaps I can wrestle you by yet pleading for your attention.

Look at me. Look at me, Daddy! I can ride my bike with no handlebars. Please.

And Jacob was left alone. And a man wrestled with him until the breaking of the day. -Genesis 32:25

Horrible Responsibility #3

This series exists to help me refine my reflections about daily life as I seek:

To worship God and relentlessly seek the expansion of his Kingdom on Earth.

God,

I heard this story about King Philip II of Spain. I was told his son fell. He went blind. He was sick. It looked like he was going to die. Then Philip prayed to you, he said if you saved his son he would return his thanks by giving you a miracle. The boy woke up cured the next day. And the boy had this dream that a monk visited him telling him he'd be fine. So, Philip went about making his miracle. He had a fifteenth inch automaton of the monk from the dream made. The monk was a wind up figure that repeated prayers, walked, and performed his mechanical rosary when wound up tight. 

Did you heal the boy because of Philip's prayer? Did you like his offering? 

Will we ever get to know answers to questions like that? Will we get to see how you responded to our earthly questions? Will you ever tell us the whys of your answers?

Whether for correction or for his land or for love, he causes it to happen. -Job 37:13

Horrible Responsibility #2

This series exists to help me refine my reflections about daily life as I seek:

To worship God and relentlessly seek the expansion of his Kingdom on Earth.

God,

There are so many animals. They are, to me, unfathomable. I can observe them. I can write down facts about them. I can compare the elephant to the king cobra and the blue whale. But that doesn't make them anymore knowable to me.

I can't know them. I can't understand them. I find myself asking, again and again, what do they know of you? Do they listen to your words? Do they hold secret knowledge in their primitive souls as to who you are? 

I remain fully other from the entirety of the animal kingdom. All reason eventually runs dry. I can but only sit back and be in awe of them; awe of their diversity, of their engenius make-up, of their intrinsic beauty. 

I need to see your face in every mouse I see, in every nutra rat I happen upon. I need to. If I don't do that, than the animals, due to their unrelatableness, become computer programs, diddling about a software that has no real function. 

I need to see you in the pheasant and the cockroach and the buzzard and the amoeba. I need to not miss that opportunity to see your creativity on display. I need to. I need to. 

As for the likeness of the living creatures, their appearance was like burning coals of fire, like the appearance of torches moving to and fro among the living creatures. And the fire was bright, and out of the fire went forth lightning. And the living creatures darted to and fro, like the appearance of a flash of lightning. -Ezekiel 1:13-14

Horrible Responsibility #1

This series exists to help me refine my reflections about daily life as I seek:

To worship God and relentlessly seek the expansion of his Kingdom on Earth.

God,

Genghis Khan's army puts into perspective a 'duh' statement; discipline gets things done. If I claim to seek you out, to love you, to yearn to wrestle with you and grow in faith, hope and perseverance, than I must apply discipline in my life and act responsibly on that premise.

There was a time when the Mongol army decided to wipe away a city full of people. 130,000 souls were to be erased that day by the vengeful steppe people. But this scene takes place in an age long before weapons of mass destruction, before even gun powder came into dominance. The 130,000 needed to be eradicated by hand.

The empire took care of the problem by dividing up the 130,000 by the number of their own army. They may have had around 20,000 men that day, so each Mongol soldier was responsible to take out roughly 12 people. It was that simple. If you didn't take out your 12, you were taken out.

This is an extremely grim example, but it remains an example nonetheless.

To follow you I must take responsibility for what you've given me.

And cast the worthless servant into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. -Matthew 25:30

Mr. Washington Goes to Smith

Of all the preposterous things Mr. Washington ever did, defrauding Nedward Smith was the worst. Because of this, Ned's debts came back to haunt him; those schoolyard punks broke both his pinkies. Worse still, when Mrs. Smith found out that their self-storage empire was far beyond Section 8 bankruptcy, and that the initial blow of debt was accumulated not in one lump sum from Ned's nervous poker twitch, she promptly divorced him. Later that year, on Halloween night, Ned offed himself.

As we all know, nothing gets you to hell faster than the ol' suicide route. Nevertheless, even self-killers like Ned get their day in court. For Nedward Smith, it seemed that his ever worsening fortune was not about to relent. Upon receiving his nearly instantaneous judgment, he appealed twice only to be shot down directly by the judge himself. You see, there's a wrinkly in the courts of afterlife that allows for the suicider's infinite deferment of his eternal form to the one who's actions directly caused the suicide. 99.9% of the time, the suicide victim is himself the very cause of his horrible imposition. 100% of the time the suicider earnestly believes the fault of his non-livingness lies elsewhere. So it was in this case.

At first, Ned appealed to the appalling manor in which his wife treated him. Spousal dis-allegiance never flies in court. It was swiftly rescinded. Next he petitioned the court that it was the indwelling of a demon that did it -- the dreadful celebration of all things macabre alighting the pestering specter within him. This, like every other demonic appeal was refuted on the grounds that there is a direct appeal offered in life to any suffering soul tormented with spirits unseen -- a higher name by which all are vanquished.

Knowing that the road to salvation was fitfully and irresolvably tailing forever away from him, Ned threw up a Hail Mary (this phrase, of course, merely being used as an idiom; Ned did not offer prayer to Saint Mary, nor did she respond). He claimed that the responsibility for his forsaken mortal shell lies chiefly with a one, Mr. blank Washington (blank because no one actually knows his first name, though my suspicion is that it's 'Jimmy').  It was Mr. Washington who stole away the last of Ned Smith's loans, thus landing Ned bottom-up with his debts, which in turn got his pinkies busted, which added to his wife ousting him from their marriage covenant. This, at long last, caught the attention of the honorable court.

Nedward Smith was heretofore summoned to allocate his eternal form in order for it to be held until the hour that Mr. whoknowswhat Washington would vacate his Earthly copy. Ned then, being left eternally without bodily form, does what most mass-less entities do, float around miserably looking for someone to listen to him.

So it was that sixteen years later, Mr. darngoneit Washington's liver gave out and there was none found to replace it. You can find him to this day walking the halls of hell asking every comer-and-goer (there's quite a bit of commerce down there after all) if he can make a trade for a pair of of unbroke little fingers. When they reply, "No," as everyone in hell always does, he follows up by asking if they've seen a body lying around, one with a dysfunctional liver that goes by the name Mr. Washington. The response in hell is always the same:

"No."

In Haste: Knowing

It's a rare experience, but it leaves your life well affirmed as you snuggle into a deep vat of being understood -- this experience as I call it is known generally well within the first ten minutes of the film -- it starts subtly, as an aura of excitement whispers it's first comforting syllables -- next comes a line or two that you know, you just deep down know, 'I couldn't have said it better myself' -- then, right at that ten minute mark, you know the rest of the movie will be a thrill, it doesn't matter what happens, you know that this film was made for a fella just like you.

You've embraced your leader, and are ready to take orders.

After eight or so minutes of Alex Proyas' Knowing, I much hoped that the film would fall into the aforementioned category.

It did not. I should have realized it when I was still pondering this question twenty and thirty and forty and fifty and sixty and seventy and eighty and ninety and one hundred minutes into the film. I should have realized...

Nevertheless, it was a hell of a thought.

In conclusion, what a thing to do; to base a suspense film on Ezekiel 1:4:

As I looked, behold, a storm wind was coming from the north, a great cloud with fire flashing forth continually and a bright light around it, and in its midst something like glowing metal in the midst of the fire...

A Theory of Dark History I

*All illustrations in this post by Gustave Dore.

This is mere speculation -- mere momentary agendizing... I feel propelled to believe that the world as we see it now, hasn't always been like this. Though it may smell the same, tomorrow is not the same... surely Solomon is right when he stated, "There's nothing new under the sun..." also right are Peter's words in his second letter (3:3-7):

Know this first of all, that in the last days mockers will come with their mocking, following after their own lusts, and saying, “Where is the promise of His coming? For ever since the fathers fell asleep, all continues just as it was from the beginning of creation.” For when they maintain this, it escapes their notice that by the word of God the heavens existed long ago and the earth was formed out of water and by water, through which the world at that time was destroyed, being flooded with water. But by His word the present heavens and earth are being reserved for fire, kept for the day of judgment and destruction of ungodly men.

--------------

In the manner that God was later to create human beings and all of the universe, he created the angels and the angelic realm. His motive in creating can not be broached as far as to even speculate, besides stating that this is a means by which God is glorified. Any further postulating on this would lead to vain preposterousness.

In a given place in space-time, God made known his plan of earthly creation. One angel, chief above all, whom we will refer to as the Serpent, disagreed intensely with this plan. We do not know his argument for dissension, beyond that it was a matter of pride. I propose here; the Serpent's aim was (perhaps remains) to show God that he was in error for creating man as his creation, chief above all others; that man is a useless vessel from which to receive glory. The Serpent's insurrection led to his position being ripped away, his and the third of the angelic rank that chose to follow him.

Man, along with all creation, was created. Man was indeed given the highest rank, with a stipulation that he was not to eat of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. This, of course, would sound quite queer to any reader present had we not all been inundated with the story of Adam and Eve. But chief among these trees was the Tree of Life. The Tree of Life was not illegal for the creation to eat of, yet we see in Genesis 3:23, God says to himself (already God being three persons): "Behold, the man has become like one of Us, knowing good and evil; and now, he might stretch out his hand, and take also from the Tree of Life, and eat, and live forever..." For it was in the Garden of Eden that these trees really did to their eater what they were made to do. There was, in that place, many giving trees. Perhaps there were more trees of substance than merely the two already stated. Perhaps there was a tree for speaking, a tree for sleeping, a tree for flying...  perhaps.

Of course, as now seems inevitable, the Serpent came and seduced Eve with his reasoning to eat of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Adam did so as well. Thusly, Adam, Eve, and the Serpent are cursed, leaving the Man and Woman banished from the Garden, left to live out the remainder of their earthly days east of Eden. Left to guard anyone from eating of the Tree of Life was a Cherubim angel (Gen 3:24), and to remind the world that Eden is a physical place (see Gen 2:10-11 for a physical description/approximation). Let us remember, a real-life angel stood surrounding the Tree of Life holding a flaming sword. The world was different in those days.

Let us further speculate on the Serpent's curse. In the midst of God's words to the beast, He states, "I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your seed and her seed..." (Gen 3:15a). Many-a-sermon has taught me that the seed of the woman is Jesus. So the question remains -- who is the Serpent's seed? --

Here's where today's speculation can perchance edge into the realm of controversy. This Serpent becomes the prince of the air (Eph. 2:2) and apparently later in history has the power to give Jesus power over all the cities of the world... this dude left Eden, worked havoc, and accumulated power. How?


We don't know what the rulebook is between Heaven and Earth; we don't know what the Serpent is allowed to do (or has the power to do) and what he doesn't. Nevertheless, where God is omnipresent, omniscient, and omnipotent, the Serpent is not. In this then, there was sure to be a scheme, as all who are fighting with limited resources must scheme.

My extrapolation here is largely borrowed from a thought of G.K. Chesterton, in which he made the case that (and this argument comes through the historic lens of Chesterton examining the Punic Wars) the world needed first be saved from worship of demons, for a lighter paganism before Jesus could appear on the stage. What if this first age after Adam, and indeed, for the vast majority of human history, the Serpent and his legions have roamed about the Earth devouring men by establishing themselves as gods?

Cain spoke to God, and God to him. In those early days perhaps too the nemesis spoke. Sin became common place and demons became gods. Indeed, in those days God spoke to man in an intimate manner that is rare to hear in our modern world (Gen 5:22-24, Enoch walking with God). Aside from Enoch and a few others, the world was not well. It was quickly being overran by mischief.

The Bible is cloaked in mystery around this era, when the strange "Nephilim" peruse the Earth (Gen 6). The Semitic root for Nephilim likely comes from the word "to fall" and here we will, for the sake of argument make the giant leap that Nephilim are a sub-species, taken as the offspring of demon and woman. Genesis 6:1-4 talks of "Sons of God" mating with the "Daughters of Men". This commingling seems to produce the "mighty men who were of old, men of renown." (Gen 6:4). The word Nephilim shows up again when in the book of Numbers 12 spies of the Israelites visit the land of the Canaanites, only to spot giants in the land aka Nephilim. The famous warrior Goliath, or Canaanite lineage, was said to be nine and a half feet tall when David slayed him. Perhaps he was an ancestor of these Nephilim.

This phrase "Sons of God" is given some context when we match it up to Job 1:6, "Now there was a day when the Sons of God came to present themselves before the LORD, and Satan also came among them." If we match "Sons of God' with the demons, then a ghastly picture is filled into what is occurring on Earth in the antediluvian era.

The Serpent left the Garden, inclined to conquer the world by force. He and his army make themselves vessels to be worshiped and sacrificed unto. Many greats 'gods' are made in their image. Perhaps chief among them is Baal, a ravenous god who was worship by various Semitic peoples. The worship of Baal included the sacrificing, through fire, of one's first born son at the rip age of nine. This name, or a version of it, Beelzebub (Beel being an aramaic version of Baal), is linked with the Serpent by Jesus himself.  Matthew 12:24-28,

But when the Pharisees heard it, they said, “It is only by Beelzebul, the prince of demons, that this man casts out demons.”  Knowing their thoughts, he said to them, “Every kingdom divided against itself is laid waste, and no city or house divided against itself will stand. And if Satan casts out Satan, he is divided against himself. How then will his kingdom stand? And if I cast out demons by Beelzebul, by whom do your sons cast them out? Therefore they will be your judges. But if it is by the Spirit of God that I cast out demons, then the kingdom of God has come upon you

So perhaps it was in those days, that the Serpent took these various positions, and in relations with women, certain demons were indeed able to create an offspring, or rather 'seed', which would populate the Earth as giants. This was the scheme in those days of the enemy to destroy humanity.

But God is not mocked. It would appear that at the right time, God limited the power of the Serpent and his tribe. Jude recites the story that is further documented in the pseudepigraphal Book of Enoch, saying in verses 5-7:

Now I want to remind you, although you once fully knew it, that Jesus, who saved a people out of the land of Egypt, afterward destroyed those who did not believe. And the angels who did not stay within their own position of authority, but left their proper dwelling, he has kept in eternal chains under gloomy darkness until the judgment of the great day—just as Sodom and Gomorrah and the surrounding cities, which likewise indulged in sexual immorality and pursued unnatural desire, serve as an example by undergoing a punishment of eternal fire.

Now then there was punishment for those haughty Serpent followers who bent the rules of the game, playing out of position.

It would seem then that the Serpent nearly won the day, for Noah and his family alone survived the flood and lived to carry on mankind.

What then did the Serpent do? At halftime did he change his gameplan?  I know not... but it would yet appear that God would be the first to make a game-changing play. At the right time, God calls one of his faithful, Abraham, to go and sacrifice his son. Abraham had had a son out of wedlock, Ishmael, but it was his son Isaac who was to exude the fulfillment of God's promise to the elderly Abe and Sarah.

Abe probably thought God was calling him to burn his son in the way that the demons of the day were asking of their servants. But then, at the climactic moment wherein Old Abe has his dagger raised above his head, a thrust away from plunging into the blood and guts of his young son, God sends a messenger to stop him. Game Changer.

That moment, and Abraham's life in general, was the tipping point of the twist in game play. With the non-sacrifice, God was foreshadowing the game winning score in his sacrifice of Jesus, his only begotten son, whilst simultaneously mocking the cruel modus operandi of the Serpent's method, AND moving the first pawn that was to be Israel.

So then, Israel.

Israel was to be the people through whom God would make himself known to the world. The Serpent knows this. He surely was aware of the plan. Why else would he try to steal Moses' bones away?
Jude 9:

But Michael the archangel, when he disputed with the devil and argued about the body of Moses, did not dare pronounce against him a railing judgment, but said, “The Lord rebuke you!”

Now then we see the rise of the nations. Cities amass wealth, gates, technology, and kings. I do not know how either the Serpent or God Himself has chosen to interact with those early peoples who did not come in contact with Israel, but there does appear instances of people from far off places that somehow knew God.

I also do not know if the Serpent took kings and nations for himself as to raise enemies against Israel... but this very well might have been the case. As the Serpent works to destroy God's pride and glory, God uses that to show that He is made strong in the weakness of man. He is glorified by man in ways the Serpent can't comprehend. It is this confusion on the face of the Serpent that leads him to commit evil and yet good comes forth from it. Example one is Job. Example two is straight out of 1 Kings 22:19-23

Micaiah said, “Therefore, hear the word of the Lord. I saw the Lord sitting on His throne, and all the host of heaven standing by Him on His right and on His left. The Lord said, ‘Who will entice Ahab to go up and fall at Ramoth-gilead?’ And one said this while another said that. Then a spirit came forward and stood before the Lord and said, ‘I will entice him.’ The Lord said to him, ‘How?’ And he said, ‘I will go out and be a deceiving spirit in the mouth of all his prophets.’ Then He said, ‘You are to entice him and also prevail. Go and do so.’ Now therefore, behold, the Lord has put a deceiving spirit in the mouth of all these your prophets; and the Lord has proclaimed disaster against you.”

Perhaps it is also in this stage of history, wherein the eyes of the Serpent positioned himself on the rulers and strongmen of the nations. And as these demons once worshiped begin in some cultures to fall into old traditions, "Lenin went underground." The Serpent and his legion, rather than being an outside entity, becomes a possessor of men and women. By Jesus' time, the Serpent's tactic seems to be about physically possessing people. Demons run amok when Jesus is begotten unto birth. Every other door holds a demon controlled person. 

And then Jesus. Mark 5:5-13,

Constantly, night and day, he was screaming among the tombs and in the mountains, and gashing himself with stones. Seeing Jesus from a distance, he ran up and bowed down before Him; and shouting with a loud voice, he said, “What business do we have with each other, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? I implore You by God, do not torment me!”  For He had been saying to him, “Come out of the man, you unclean spirit!”  And He was asking him, “What is your name?” And he said to Him, “My name is Legion; for we are many.”  And he began to implore Him earnestly not to send them out of the country. Now there was a large herd of swine feeding nearby on the mountain.  The demons implored Him, saying, “Send us into the swine so that we may enter them.”  Jesus gave them permission. And coming out, the unclean spirits entered the swine; and the herd rushed down the steep bank into the sea, about two thousand of them; and they were drowned in the sea.

Those demons never had a chance. 

We see that the stakes are high as the devil himself comes to dissuade Jesus from fighting the good fight. He fails at this miserably. And then, at the end of his worldly mission, Jesus breaks the bank. He finishes the opponent off. Game Over. 

On that day the bet ended. There was no more to do. From that day forth the Serpent had nothing left to win. He's bankrupt.

But despite the fact that the game's over, history rolls on. The Serpent, in those first few years after Jesus' resurrection, probably tried desperately to assassinate the first century Christians. If he can annihilate all those who knew/met/touched Jesus, then perhaps he thought he could squish the consequences of his losing the game. So he raised Herod, Nero, Trajan and others to murder and uproot the Christian movement. He failed at this. 

Roughly three hundred years later, the Serpent sipped the drink of, "If you can't beat him, join him." Christianity became the religion of the Roman Empire. What surely seemed like an advancement for the Christian brothers and sisters living under persecution for generations, the Serpent used to bring about a connection between religion and cruel power. The possessions of the Western world went into recession as a thousand years of power hungry priests and robbers grew up within the shadow of their ever towering cathedrals. 

Fast forward another three hundred years to the 600s. Among the Arabic people, a sour perversion arises. The Serpent takes Abraham, the father of blessing, and the vessel through which God chose to foreshadow Christ, and pervert the thoughts and minds of generations. The Serpent raises Mohammad in his name. And through the teaching of Islam, men, women, and children are taught that it was not Isaac who God spared on that mount of sacrifice, but Abraham's other son, Ishmael, the child born out of wedlock and out of faithlessness. Could there be a more ironic sign that Islam is not of God, then to have it birthed from the fruits of lawless faithlessness?

The Serpent has twisted his tactics over the years to that of isms and mammon, rather than the old brutish carved images... be he remained unrepentant in his desire for destruction all through the middle ages. 

The story continues onward, and there is much more that history has to share, but for now I stop.