Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Horrible Responsibility #4

This series exists to help me refine my reflections about daily life as I seek:
To worship God and relentlessly seek the expansion of his Kingdom on Earth.


Brennan Manning has died. He seemed like a warm soul made rich by your love. But he also seemed like a wrestler. He wanted more and more of you.

How do I wrestle with you? Will you reproach me if I do? Or will you take that as affection?

What sort of questions would you like me to ask you? What questions are you open to answering now?

How do I wrestle with you and still be a peaceful man? Can I wrestle with your Spirit while He's inside of me?

I feel like Job. There's so many questions to ask, not all of them nice, but I fear that I am too lowly for you to answer me. You told Job to brace himself as you knocked him over with an un-answer. I don't know if I could take that sort of answer from you. Yet, I want to dig into you. I want to know more. I want to feel more. Because if I don't, then what am I doing here? If I don't wrap myself up in you, then I am already dying without a purpose.

Only you give me purpose and life. I feel like there's nothing I can do to get closer to you. You have all the cards. You brought me to grace, you dipped my hand in that offering, and you give me as much of you as you want. But perhaps I can wrestle you by yet pleading for your attention.

Look at me. Look at me, Daddy! I can ride my bike with no handlebars. Please.

And Jacob was left alone. And a man wrestled with him until the breaking of the day. -Genesis 32:25

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